Saturday, April 28, 2007

I'm having a clothes clearout and they're all over my bed, a deformed patchwork quilt explosion of materials and i do not think i am ruthless enough. I give some clothes to my housemates because giving them away doesn't feel as bad as throwing them away. Although sometimes throwing them away feels good. Others are still folded in a suitcase for sentimentality because i think i may wear this, i like this, i love the pattern on this i just never wear it because it looks awful on me. I used to wear some awful, messy combinations of clothes and i don't mean messy in a tangled, intricate good way. I buy clothes only for little details i like too much.

I really hate my haircut at the moment.

I'm avoiding doing an essay.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Hi, i am alive and i'm made of stronger stuff than this, in the bright corridors and the dark living room and in my bedroom and in the pages of magazines. The blossom heavy spring air is muggy, static like a holiday to a hot country with the first step off the areoplane and it hits you, bam!, like a wall of heat. Tiny white petals cling to my shoes, to the wet grey pavement for their lives' sake. I'm made of stronger stuff than this and my ribs hurt.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

It's such a beautiful day, very yellow and blue and green and pink and the sun is out, spring bank holidays and children in supermarkets. I go to the supermarket with my mother and my grandmother and i have to repeat everything i say twice because they are both a little hard of hearing.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

And i have a dream the country i live in is invaded, on the coast we run through streets and hide in doorways of shops as an army with guns gives chase. On the coast we run past the sea and the rocks and hide in caves and there's a castle. A flag flies saying "don't worry, it's only a dream".

Sunday, April 01, 2007

I feel kind of sick today, i look in the miror and i don't look like myself. My skin isn't the right colour and my hair is too dark and my face seems too big somehow.

My parents have gone away on holiday so i'm keeping house for the next week or so, it's very quiet here.

Bye___________________________