Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mourning begins now. I'll probably lie in my bed and listen to the Voodoo Child remix and wear even more black than usual and maybe i'll stop eating for a while or something, because i'll be too sad and isn't that something people in mourning do? I'll become a mere shadow of my former self until Paul begins to seek revenge on Max. Here are the notes i wrote on my phone last night, for a gig review:

"Megaphone best in the business"

"Test the water, new single. Straight after pride. Came out yesterdby. New single, second to last. Breakdown bit. Last son poisonou emblem. All .soup clasping. Megaphone"


I'm going to watch Neighbours at lunchtime, because she's colouring her hair tonight, in the living room, and i know i won't be able to hear Cameron's last, dying words. I hope he doesn't die. This morning all the bones in my right arm have fallen out of the skin of my right arm. I have no right arm. It feels like growing pains i got when i was a child. I don't want to grow anymore. Last night i dreamt my friend came to visit me from leeds, because his mum told him to and i was taller than him and i'm sure i never used to be taller than him so maybe i am growing.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Realising when to stop, i give my vodkaandvodkaandvodkaandlemonade to a boy because he is dancing to a song i like, and knows the words.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

BORO GUNS are fucking ace. I wear my long black coat and my big gold hoop earrings and i have messy hair. She sips vanilla coffee and shows me a picture and says "i feel like a little girl."
I say "i feel like a mess, in this coffee shop."
"You look like a mess."
My big cup of tea is warm in my hands, it's practically a bowl, and we laugh about Beyonce.


"Someone didn't put daddy's guns away, someone's got to clear up that dead mess. Oooh beyonce, beyonce baby." Metal stairs, electric shocks, static eighties tops. I think my phone might be a bit broken, like my poor camera. I suppose you could use that sentence as some kind of metaphor or something, ha ha ha. But I’m not.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

So where is this place anyway? Well, it's in a secret location.

It's a raaaaaaaaaaaaaaave daaaaaaaaaaaaaave. Two nights now i haven't been able to turn off my brain at night. I lie a warm cocoon and my body tells me it's time to sleep. My pillows are white and gold.
I think about whether i'd ever be brave enough or crazy enough, in my favourite crazy girl in an old novel kind of way, to dare to do something i really want. But i'd need other people along for the ride and maybe it's just selfishness.


I think i rely on A. for a lot of things i shouldn't do. I don't know if she knows, but we sit on the train and i say "from here the city looks like how i imagine settings of Charles Dickens novels look from the countryside, grey smog and haze." We see a rainbow over a valley through the window, and our reflections.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

It's always raining here, the leaves have turned to mush. L says "they remind me of cornflakes when you leave them in the milk for too long and they go all soft."

On saturday i got caught in the rain, i gave up any attempt to stay dry and trudged to the bus stop to sit and shiver to angry music and pieces of paper. I shiver a lot. Single mums with soverign rings and pushchairs for accessories kept me company. My hair dripped rivers down my cheeks.

Monday, November 06, 2006

We've got to write blogs for my course now, and update them weekly. My first post must be "A feature written about a journalism site you have found and regularly visited. How often do they update? What will your focus be? Think about your title..." etc.

If we write anything the Nazis don't like we get a stern talking to and our posts are deleted. "Remember we are trusting you, your site can be seen all over the web." All i want to say is hey, i have a blog already you know. Here are my real opinions.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The smell of fireworks in the air, coloured lights and a full moon and a smile because that kind of thing makes me feel happy.

Bye___________________________