Monday, August 28, 2006

She's back now, so we'll probably go to the pub on wednesday, or go and see K and sit on his tree swing in the garden and drink juice. I've loved her this summer, i feel like we've re-captured everything again, in the way that only we can.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

There's a storm outside, dark and flashes of lightning and pouring with rain. In my little room i feel safe and warm.

Life in a glasshouse.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Just listening






and





just alive

Friday, August 11, 2006

I can't sleep. I'm so, so sick of not being able to sleep at nights. I already write about sleep deprivation a great deal of the time. (I say 'a great deal' rather that 'a lot' because i always remember my english teacher's voice in my head: "a lot is too colloquial, it is better to say a great deal.")

So here i am, sick and not tired. Haha. I was listening to one of my favourite albums to fall asleep to, drifting off, when i starting thinking about something i just had to write down. I got out of bed to get a notebook, tripped over some birthday presents my mother had left on my floor, (really i mean she put them there and i was meant to put them away but haven't) and broke a box. This was a mistake because now i'm wide awake. Or maybe i'm kidding myself because i feel exhausted, i just can't fucking sleep.

I'm reading old emails from last summer. Happy correspondance that's full of excited words i read really, really quickly in my head because they're about good times and all the joy has come rushing out in a collection of !'s and spazzing and high fives and xxxxxx's.

I want someone to be awake with. Awake and seeing things with me.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I walk into the kitchen and all of a sudden five large cakes have appeared wrapped up in tinfoil on the breakfast table. It turns out my mum is having a "coffee and cakes" afternoon at our house tomorrow to raise money for the church.

I'm sure everyone who knows me can imagine how much i'm looking forward to this. Really. Just imagine. I'm sure you can hear me sighing through your speakers. Klaxonsklaxonsklaxons make me want to dancedancedance.

I'm a rubbish guest, i just lie on the floor with a pillow because i don't feel well and i can't be bothered holding my head up, and ask for toast and juice. We're planning a BBQ, not at her house, not at my house, at his house, only he doesn't know it yet. It's going to be great, i'm sure. We watched tv, it was just like lying on the floor at home, which is underrated, if you ask me.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

All my clothes look better lying on my bed, hanging in my wardrobe, on other people. I hate all my clothes.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Reduce the temperature. There was a punch on the kitchen worktop, made of vodka and skittles, with the green ones taken out. They were in a bowl on the table so we ate them; we can't afford a pizza. Where's the bottle opener? Everyone was in the mood for fun so we waxed A's leg and chest and hid from J under a blanket on the sofa because she didn't know i was going to be there. The night was full of surprises - the budgie died so it was buried in the garden with a ceremony and a cross. D turned up with the biggest St Bernard dog i've ever seen.

It was grey morning light as we walked home and went to the garage for ribena and chocolate bars that no one wanted, along that road we used to joke about going on forever.

Bye___________________________