Thursday, December 29, 2005
fuckshitfuck
fuckshitfuck
fuck
shit
fuck
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Fondness never played a role like this
They knew the bruises start to show
Ducking shells was never my idea
Tried but I stopped trying
Sucking hard for sympathy
We've got treatment, we've got city slick
Messages on the 'hush-hush'
Machines can't work, this thing's got skin
Magazine and liars
Hooks and chains to tear you down
We hold on so tight
But we already know
You flicker, sparkle
You twinkle at me
All bitter and clean
On. Off. On.
We're dull and stupid and we're caged in glass
Keeping tallies, charts and graphs
So set your hands alight and watch them flap
We can keep on talking
If you can keep on telling lies
We fly our flags by night
All bored and shredded up
We're keeping you on track
We keep you alive
We're just at your side
On. Off. On.
The cable's frayed, the timber's burned
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I'm typing because i am bored out of my brain.
Monday, December 19, 2005
There is a part of my wall where the plaster peeled away and it looks like a country, the shape of a continent geographically moulded into my bedroom. Sometimes i sit and wonder what it would be called, and what that nation would be like if it were real. Part of me really wants it to be another world, with its uneven shoreline and a large lake in the center.
Take a look at your friends, as they cut their throats.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
It was the last night, we were dressed as fairies with wings and sparkles and we had just won the pub quiz. I saw M, he came up to me and as he hugged me he said "So what's going on with you and N then eh? I've seen you." There was a glint in his eye and as i denied everything my insides were dancing and my brain was thinking "yesyesyesyesyes!"
I imagine a time after that lecture, when we talk about food, drinking milk and the lion holding the banana that is sitting on your leg in black biro.
"You're on the wrong course clearly."
That was real.
Then i cook, we're in my kitchen and as you consume your pizza we talk about thursday nights and how great it is that you have money again and how in the last week before christmas you left me all alone. Just like her, she always leaves me alone.
"Cocaine for horses but not for men, doctor say it'll kill you but he don't say when."
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Another dawn, another day.
I watched Stepford Wives and it made me think. It's like Stepford Wives, the whole thing, the whole relationship. Mind control, brainwashing, it's just that not everyone can see it. At first no one catches on, then you start to notice the little things, the bits that don't seem quite right, the decisions made, the things they say. Like the personality is slowly being driven out of them.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
For some unknown reason my contact lenses are making my eyes all itchy. I want to scratch my eyes out. Blink blink. Scratch scratch. It's like when you poke yourself in the eye, and the feeling just doesn't go away.
In other news: i am back home. Delightful.
Monday, December 12, 2005
black star says:
are they actually good then? or are you being you
black star says:
i was going to put sarcastic but.. that is u
I have two christmas cards and a pretty pink envelope that has gone awol. Lost in the world of the royal mail, amongst the other letters and messages and cards and packages and the sorting office. I imgaine sorting letters must be a soul destroying job.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Triple word score and the Su Du-Ko craze.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Almost time to go home for Christmas. It is difficult to comprehend how a year has passed me by already. Time is playing his tricks again. And christmas, last year... so much has changed since then.
Tongue chewed off, and head in books.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Today i do not feel too good. I thought maybe it was just because of last night, but the feeling has lasted well into the evening and as it is now ten to nine i think i am maybe succuming to the attack of viruses.
Last night i met an excellent person, the first new face at university that understands.
I made a christmas card shaped like a tree, decorated with tin foil and i'm going to put it through a letter box later.
Monday, December 05, 2005
It is raining and grey and eerie outside. Valerie, who wants to be Sarah Beany, sat on my bed and i sat on floor, trying to iron all my crumpled skirts on a towel. It was like we were sitting in a cacoon, a minature time capsule. The world was passing by silently outside and we were oblivious to it, quiet in my room with the cream walls which are now stark and bare due to the room inspection on wednesday. Some big cracks of paint flaked of when i pulled down my photographs of Laura and i in our 6th form toilets. So i carefully saved the pieces of paint and stuck them back onto the wall with some superglue.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
There has been an absence of interesting things happening in my life at the moment. I got my first assignment back, i got a shockingly good mark.
Liberty X turned on the Preston chirstmas lights, we went to see them and shouted "Jessica! Jessica!" and became the rowdy teenagers that always ruin things for the little kids.
We continue to lose the pub quiz. However, i was given a bottle of wine just for handing my quiz sheet and biro back to the quizmaster.
Last night i went to a black tie and diamonds cocktail party. Everyone looked rather beautiful and sparkly and we had glow sticks so we could do some chav pointing in our posh clothes. The way home Amy and i got chased by a man who kep saying "Ooo i like you. Ooo i like you." We had to hide in a taxi company building and then a kebab shop before we managed to sneak away and run all the way back to our halls. I was scared because i thought Amy had asthma. But it's ok, because she doesn't.
Today i am going to start assignment numero deux. I have two books out of the library and everything, so i am attempting to put myself in the right frame of mind. Good mind = good assignment. However, it's half past two, i only got up half an hour ago and i've basically just got out of bed and plonked myself in front of my computer. So i predict i will write about one line. Which will be the title.
Bye___________________________
