Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I smell of "hello madam, would you like a sample of..." from Harrods. Adam and i are plotting the downfall of our drug-dealing, benefit fraud-committing co-worker. There are a lot of drugs in this company. The sun has made my sleep hazy, i dreamt P came into the shop and bought malteasers, he bought them with his smile.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

I am not a person that looks into the eyes of another and sees thoughts and feelings and repressed emotions struggling to be free but being disguised by a mask of well-practised acting. Crushed and held back by a brain and a heart working out the best plan of action. I am not like Virginia and Cassia and Octavia who have beautiful names and daughters named Romilly and Araminta

I am putting my feet into new shoes and a green dress with a lacey trim and Mum says "i think you've spent enough this month."

Thursday, June 23, 2005

"Speckled like a leopard..."

Argh!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Dear my Dad and my little sister Rachel,

Please don't put empty cartons of cream back in the fridge, it is very deceptive and makes me think i can have cream with my rubarb crumble when really i can't because it is empty. I had to have ice-cream instead and it wasn't as nice.

The bin is very near the fridge and requires no extra effort.

Love, Jacky



(This letter does not apply to my Mother as she wouldn't do such a thing as putting an empty carton back in the fridge.)

Sunday, June 19, 2005

BED! BBQ day has arrived and i have momentarily come inside to escape the sun for a second, and maybe nod off onto the keyboard. I am beyond tired, and tired-ness and heat and bright sunlight makes little white flashes in front of my eyes when i blink with contact lenses that i forgot to take out when i fell into bed. I have had approximately two hours sleep after going back to Chris' last night and watching Saw and some film about cannibalistic hillbillies until quarter to seven in the morning when i decided i should go home.

I'm so tired and i'm all droopy while trying to be friendly and eating various charcoaled food. It has made our street all smokey... kids with asthma should stay inside this afternoon.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Reading my trashy summer novel about rich, beautiful people having affairs and making money, wearing my trashy pink shoes that i bought after seeing PJ Harvey and my belt, which is a tape measure, glows in the UV light.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Today it is sunny, today it has decided to be June.

My sister says, as i am putting my trainers on, "you shouldn't wear converse to run in, it's bad for your feet."
I say "yes, but i have no other trainers, remember?" and it's true, i don't have any other trainers. It is hot and it is hard to breathe and i thought that maybe i actually have hayfever or something, but of course i don't, i just have really lazy white blood cells.

My mum has been stocking up the fridge and the cupbaords with things like coleslaw and sausages and chicken fillets because we are having a bbq this weekend. I'll tell you the story shall i? The whole sorry tale. My Mum and Dad and Grandparents went to my Dad's cousin's house for dinner a while ago. (Grandma says "I wish H would make an effort with the clothes she wears.) Somehow H and her husband invite themselves round to our house and my Grandma suggests we have a bbq. Such a good idea! But we do not have a bbq. (Grandma says "... what do you mean you don't have a bbq?") Up until last weekend we didn't even have any grass in our garden. I thought it would be a boring day as my sister would be at work and i would be on my own, smiling and listening to relatives i barely know talking about other relatives i barely know. But Rachel got sacked so she will be there afterall.

Funny, i dream about getting the sack, and she really does. Last night i dreamt i was sacked from my job and had to go and work in a supermarket.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Sometimes i like her, sometimes i don't. I don't like her when she hurts me, though she doesn't realise she is doing so. I think i have an edge, something getting me ahead in the race with the touch of a hand and some money given and a little comment. But it turns out i don't and it's all just my imagination. and
but
and
but
and
but
and
but Let's talk about... Sarah passing her driving test and art diploma shows and finally seeing Laura again after a long time. I have lots of days off work now so it will be like a little mini holiday in the middle of June, with rain and having the heater on. I have a cold (as usual, when don't i?) and it feels like it should be that transition between October and November, when it's not quite Autumn and not quite Winter, but it's just warm enough to go outside but cold and rainy enough to come home and drink some tea and put the lights on to make the room seem yellow.

And. Interpol.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Eating raw spaghetti. It's nice. Snap snap snap of spaghetti sticks.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

I'm listening to some synthy music, made by my friends. I didn't know they had synths, could play the guitar... it's all airy and wooshy and laaa. I thought the drumming sounded really good, and then i realised why.

I have a new jacket. Maybe one day you will see me wearing it, maybe one time when we are out, partying and dancing. Maybe one time just walking along the street, in town, in the supermarket, waiting for the bus.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Rain, rain, go away. I went for a walk and saw some Scouts looking at trees and drawing them, and i wanted to go home again.

Feeling rubbish, with some capital letters thrown in, tonight.

Bye___________________________